Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

About a year ago I announced on my podcast that I was considering doing coaching. Of course, that coaching was going to be paid. I know… I know… I’m greedy. But that all changed a few months ago when I was sitting with my wife in my office and I asked her one simple question, I want to create content that blows people away. Something that they have never seen before… That’s when she suggested that instead of asking people for money to coach them that I do it for free. Read More….

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10 thoughts on “Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

  1. Trish

    Every breakup- I’ve had until now, I’ve been upset and heartbroken but always got through telling myself that I am better off without them (and they come back in one form or the other). BUT, all of this changed until my most recent break up. Would desperately love your advice/thoughts on this.

    In June, moved over to the other side of the world (An Australian in New York) and met someone pretty unexpectedly. Wasn’t really looking for anything as I was too busy trying to familiarise myself in a new environment (land the job, sort out the apartment, make some friends, travel etc). We decided that while we weren’t official (gf/bf), we were dating exclusively and really getting to know each other. Once I felt a lot more settled, we would then ‘officialise’ it. Long story short, got into a huge drunken row (over getting into a nightclub!) in August & he unexpectedly pulled the plug (after a month of needing ‘space’ & still wanting to see me!) . His rationale for breaking up was:
    1. He can’t see us get past the fight (where he was being a stubborn dick)
    2. I am not emotionally ready for this move (note: I didn’t know him until I moved up to NY and unfortunately he saw the vulnerable/emotional side to me as I experienced homesickness, job rejections & general unsettlement when you move half way across the world without a support system)
    3. He rather me ‘focus on doing my own thing’

    To say I was devastated is an understatement. Being heartbroken in a completely new country sucks! If we realised that we want different things in life/our values don’t match, then the breakup (to me) was justified. However, I feel like he just threw away a pretty good partnership.

    While I work on settling in & enjoying the expat experience, I would very much like to ‘win’ him back. Why: Apart from having the most epic physical, emotional, mental connection, I feel like we are very much on the same path (have same life goals) & we have SO much fun together. (24 hours before the drunken fight, he told me he’s had the best non-sex related date ever)

    Initially I
    1. Started the no contact rule but he got in touch re a death in his family. Responded like a gnat (2 x messages & 1 call to check up on him) but he didn’t respond back. I haven’t approached him since & am back to abiding by the no contact role.
    2. Deleted my social presence for about 2 weeks (deactivated my FB, Instagram) accounts to give myself some time off & him to miss me. Reactivated my accounts, posted a mix of professional & fun pics. (Sounds so superficial, but it feels good when over a 150 friends like your profile pic. Plus made me realise I’m not alone!)

    After the next 50 days of no contacting/responding, what can I do? Currently, in the midst of “doing my own thing” ; travelling, kicking butt at finding work, making new friends, working out. Any help is much appreciated!

  2. nicolle chadwick

    Hello. I am 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend and I just recently broke up. I am 24 years old and he is 23 years old. This is my first child and this is his second. I don’t know what to do. I want him back in my life. I broke him up with due to conflict in communication and the influence of his friends. We were only together for 7 months. Please help

  3. EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Trish,

    you’re already doing what you need to do.. just stay strong in it. And then take it slow when you get back in touch again. It looks like you already know what to do.. just be consistent with your developments.

  4. Ro

    Hi Chris and Amor,
    I just came out of NC less than a week ago and your advice worked well. Almost too well!!! Basically, my ex is totally skipping steps! My initial contact text was awesome, and I tried to end the conversation after a few texts, but he just kept it going and going. We’ve been out of NC for less than a week and are headed on our 3rd date tomorrow. Nothing physical, all totally PG, but I’m not sure what to do. He skipped phone calls, asked me straight out on day 1 of contact, skipped coffee and took me straight out for dinner. He’s made it totally obvious that he’s missing me and leaving me was a mistake. I think this is headed for reconciliation for sure, so do I keep going at the pace he’s setting? Or do I still try tide theory? I don’t want to mess it up because it seems like it’s going too well!

  5. EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Ro,

    it’s moving too fast.. I’m not saying you should say no if he asks you back, but yes, continue on in the tide theory if he doesn’t ask you back..

  6. Trish

    Thanks so much Amor! The hardest part is staying strong. This sounds so pathetic but the evening he pulled the plug (over text), I’ve never sobbed so much as I have that night. Couldn’t sleep for about 2 weeks afterwards. 🙁 Am about 2 weeks away from the 45 day no contact but am tossing up about extending it until 50-60. In your experience, when should someone extend the no contact period?

  7. EBR Team Member: Amor

    when they didn’t improve.. If you’re going to breakdown on your first contact text, better not do it..

  8. May

    Hello, broke up with my ex nearly a year ago. been talking now and then did all the steps and failed. Trying them again. This time im being more cautious. I didnt speak to him for 2 months. As im blocked everywhere i emailed him and said i had free theatre tickets from work and if he wanted one. He replied saying yes. Then we exchanged a few emails. literally one or 2 sentences. Its my bday in 2 weeks and all his mates are coming. I sent him another email saying all his mates will be there so if he wanted to come along he can. He said he would think about it. Got a message yday saying he will be coming.
    we havent been flirty on email but theyre just nice convos. not too friendly either. so the first time i’ll see him will be at my bday. im going to treat him like all my other friends but im nervous esp cos i dont know how it will go down.
    Why do you think he’s even coming to my bday? Just to be friends? although the last thing he said to me when we spoke 2 months ago is that we will never be friends.